I have had a lot of time to just sit and think so far this week and that may or may not be a good thing. Who knows? You decide I suppose! I will give you the bad feelings first…I HATE going to the dentist! Seriously, I despise sitting in that chair with a cold sweat all over me wishing I was anywhere else, as I squeeze my hands into the tightest fists I can muster. Often leaving little crescent shaped indentations in their little palm cluster. As a kid we were, to my recollection, too doggone poor to get decent dental care and I don’t remember my parents harping on me about taking care of my teeth – so I didn’t. The long and short of it is – I wish I HAD taken better care of my teeth! Now, pushing my mid-40’s and needing a root canal and a “re-build” as the dentist so nicely put it, is not a pleasant place to be in. Although, I am certainly happy to have the ability to GO to the dentist!
Alas! This post really isn’t about the serious amount of pain I have dealt with over the last couple weeks or the lack of dental care it took to get me to this point. It’s about THINKING…..of the good and the bad. The good thoughts and the bad thoughts. The thoughts that propel us forward and keep us moving in the right direction and those that halt all forward progress and keep us stuck like quicksand while we look around aghast at our situation. You know the ones I speak of!
The good ones are like a goldmine! We are on top of the world and nothing is going to hold us back or keep us from achieving some particular goal. The bad ones…I’m talking about those evil, sneaky thoughts that creep in around the edges of our subconscious and tell us we are not good enough in some way. We are: too slow, too old, too young, too skinny, too fat, too dumb, too…..too……TOO. Who is passing these judgments on us? Who tells us that no matter how hard we try we will never be quite good enough? Who decides that our dreams and goals and aspirations are not worth the struggle it will take to get there? Who chides us about how selfish we are for wanting something for ourselves – despite all that we give to others? Who DOES that?!
Admittedly, most of us put those negative thoughts and pressures into our own heads. We carry around old garbage and allow it to fester like a wound that never healed properly. As I was preparing myself for work this evening, I looked in the mirror and the first thing that cold-hearted woman said was not how nice I looked in the pink shirt or how neatly my hair was laying on my head (for once!) rather it was a derogatory comment about the way my pants fit now versus the way they fit 2 months ago. What a jerk! Why do we talk to ourselves in a way that we would not allow someone else to? You know what I did? (My friend J.S will get a kick out of me talking to myself again!) I told her to STUFF IT! That’s right….put a sock in it! I don’t want to hear it anymore.
In exactly 10 days I will be running my heart out and finishing a 100 mile event with friends by my side! I do not have the TIME nor the patience for negative nancy. She can go take a flying leap off the Empire State building for all I care. For good or for bad…this is the life I live in the body God gave me. I have been this height since I was 12 and although I am not thrilled with my nemesis the scale right now, I know that this body is strong. I know the pain I’ve lived through is preparation for bigger and better battles – starting with Brazos Bend 100 on December 13, 2014. For good….or for bad…that is LIFE my friends.
Until next time my friends…
The story is still a work in progress and as such, sometimes there are many words at my disposal and sometimes…they are as dry as the Mojave.